The Reluctant Earth Mother

A nobody's thoughts on mothering

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  • Why bother breastfeeding?

    Why bother breastfeeding?

    I’ll be completely honest, I had two main reasons to breastfeed. 

    1) weight loss (because it’s that simple)

    2) money saving (is it though???) 

    I came to both of these conclusions before I’d actually had a baby with the attitude of “isn’t it obvious?”. To be fair, both have worked out, eventually. A friend told me the other day that exclusively breastfeeding uses up the same amount of calories as walking seven miles a day. That sounds quite impressive in exchange for an effortless task – take effortless here with a pinch of salt, I mean it compared to actual exercise. My calorie counting app gives me an extra 200 calories a day to eat while I am exclusively breastfeeding, equivalent to a decent slice of cake, 3 scoops of ice cream or a couple of chocolate bars. 

    I’m not going to go on about the health benefits (NHS, 2023) and the savings to the NHS (Fewtrell, 2020) and the lovely bonding that supposedly happens between you and baby (Modak, 2023) and all the rest. Or the symbiotic relationship between the environment, you, and baby (Fewtrell, 2020). Midwives use all these reasons to convince us that breast is best all through pregnancy unconsciously, demonising formula. 

    Baby 1 decided that he had had enough of breastfeeding at ten months old. The consistent biting for three days straight didn’t endear him to me so I took the hint and stopped. It was expensive and frustrating buying formula those last 2 months but surprisingly it wasn’t the money I resented so much as having to remember to buy it. Frequently, I had to go late at night after the kid had finally surrendered to sleep in that sweet spot before waking up and bawling for more. The time when I was meant to have five minutes peace. 

    In England, data is collected on breastfeeding mothers after birth at the first feed and then again at the 6-8 week check. The data from 23/24 gives the percentage of babies who have breast milk as their first feed is 71.9% in England which is pretty good. It varies around the country so in my county, the rate is a little lower at 67.9%. There is a huge exclamation point against this data to say that there are concerns with how the data is collected and therefore how accurate this number actually is. It also includes all babies who had donor milk or expressed milk. In the 6-8 week check, one of the questions is whether baby is getting breast milk. There is a huge decline between that first feed and 6-8 weeks later down to 52.7% though from my memory, that wasn’t one of the questions asked so how accurate this data is, is anyone’s guess (Fingertips). 

    Most babies are born in hospital, some good, some bad but all surrounded by midwives, doctors, health care assistants all with the common goal of supporting Mum to give birth and nurture a healthy baby in those first few hours. Part of their job is to support you to feed your baby the way the mother wants to. With that support around, breast is best. Breast can be easy. Once you’re at home, potentially shell shocked by this huge responsibility that has dropped into your life or surrounded by the chaos other children in the home bring, it becomes more difficult. 

    Department of Health & Social Care. (2020). Child and Maternal Health Data. [Online]. Fingertips. Last Updated: 2025. Available at: https://fingertips.phe.org.uk/ [Accessed 20 August 2025].

    Fewtrell, M S. Shukri, N H M. Wells, J C K. (2020). ‘Optimising’ breastfeeding: what can we learn from evolutionary, comparative and anthropological aspects of lactatio. BMC Med. 18(4).

    Modak, A. Ronghe, V. Gomase, K P. (2023). The Psychological Benefits of Breastfeeding: Fostering Maternal Well-Being and Child Development. Cureus. 15(10).

    NHS. (2023). Benefits of breastfeeding. [Online]. http://www.nhs.uk. Last Updated: 2023. Available at: https://www.nhs.uk/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding/benefits/ [Accessed 20 August 2025].

  • It’s Inevitable

    It’s Inevitable

    Growing up in a house full of pens emblazoned with “Breast Is Best” did give me the impression that breastfeeding was inevitable, even in that naive time of “no chance will I be having children”. My mum, a community midwife, used to come home with huge handfuls of these pens. Different designs every year but usually navy blue with white writing reflecting her uniform. Honestly, I have no idea where they came from and I’m sure if I dug around in their house long enough, some would still be lurking 20 years later. 

    I remember visiting the birth centre where she was based and being accosted by knitted boobs. Even when I was pregnant with my eldest, I opened the door to my midwife sporting a tote bag covered in tea towel drawings of boobs. Such a contrast to the ubiquitous sexualisation of breasts in our culture. My partner gets annoyed with me because I really struggle to use the word breasts even though that is the anatomically correct way of referring to boobs. I’ve no idea why it makes me uncomfortable, but it does. We’re working on that with our kids though Baby 1, a boy, did tell me the other morning that his boobs are small. 

    Before I became a mum, I don’t remember seeing breastfeeding in public and even now it’s really only in church playgroups or specific breastfeeding friendly groups that I see it. When I whip my boob out for Baby 2, I often get curious looks from toddlers whilst Baby 1 just ignores me or sulks because he’s not getting my undivided attention. I remember one occasion in a park where I was feeding Baby 1 and he was being a pain; cold, tired, and hungry is not ideal. A man walking by was watching me and I remember being ready to get prickly and he just said hello and continued walking. It’s not normalised anymore but maybe it is more normal than we’re prepared for. It absolutely should be, particularly when this lazy trope of “it comes naturally” is so universally publicised. 

    Surprisingly, or perhaps not, wild bonobos have midwives and then also learn from each other how to feed their babies (Demuru,2018). The first gorillas and chimpanzees born in captivity had no idea that they had to feed their babies, never mind feed them from their own bodies. The first primates to understand were either shown by their zookeepers or had been born and raised in the wild before being taken into captivity (Gunthur, 1955). In these groups, feeding infants and mothers are all around and, given my experience with human toddlers, chimp toddlers will absolutely be watching and learning.

    Gunthur, M. (1955). Instinct and the nursing couple. Lancet. 19(268:6864), pp.575-8. 

    Demuru, E. Ferrari, P F. Palagi, E. (2018). Is birth attendance a uniquely human feature? New evidence suggests that Bonobo females protect and support the parturient. Evolution and Human Behavior. 39(5), pp.502-510.