The Reluctant Earth Mother

I’m at the point where I’m pretty sure I’m done with breastfeeding. Baby 2 is 20 months old. It’s less a beautiful bonding experience and more of a mauling. He undresses me, he whines if I say no and then bawls if I physically stop him. There’s not a lot about the experience that is pleasant. 

Having sat on this decision for a few months with the excuse that I’ll get him through the winter, I actually ran into someone who is a specialist in infant feeding so thought I’d take advantage. They’re few and far between and I’ve never weaned a child before. She suggested things like explaining what was happening: Baby 2 tantrums; distracting him with something else: Baby 2 tantrums; providing other milk: Baby 2 tantrums. You’re seeing the pattern here? One suggestion that I did like was to have a bag of his favourite things to whip out instead of a boob which is something I used to do to get through a fitness class without being harassed by my children. Sounds good in principle but I couldn’t be bothered to put the effort in only to be rewarded by yet another tantrum. The main point I took away is that I’m just going to have to suck it up and do it. 

We dropped the day feeds. He wasn’t happy but got used to it. He still asks towards the end of the day when he’s tired and grumpy but when I say no, he usually just accepts it and moves on to something else: a cuddle, cows milk, play. Like with everything else, after a few days of predictable hell, he got used to it. So now we’ve graduated to no feed at bed time though this is significantly easier when my partner does bedtime, I highly recommend that. So next is through the night and then tackling the dreaded hormone shift. 

Baby 1 told me categorically that he did not want to feed from me any more by biting me for a weekend. Probably compounded by the fact that we had only just got to breastfeeding properly a handful of weeks before, I was heartbroken. It was only later that I learnt that this grief is actually hormonal. The last vestiges of your hormones returning to whatever their new baseline is. But then there was also this panic about how do you comfort your child without that? I vividly remember having this crying baby on my lap, losing his mind and I had no idea how I was supposed to make things better. 

Weaning can be emotional anyway but it is exacerbated by this last drop in hormone levels. Prolactin and oxytocin are no longer needed to make milk so they drop like a stone and all those calming, lovey dovey feelings are no longer buffering the topsy turvy world that is motherhood. On top of that, it’s also harder to get to sleep after baby wakes up in the middle of the night like both of mine regularly do. Sadly, these hormones also help with that (La Leche League, 2020).  

So this time I’m preparing myself for the misery and trying to be aware of what it is and that it too shall pass. But also, still putting off dropping those nighttime feeds knowing we’re going to be knackered and grumpy for weeks. 

La Leche League GB. (2020). After weaning – what next?. [Online]. laleche.org.uk. Last Updated: October. Available at: https://laleche.org.uk/after-weaning-what-next/ [Accessed 25 April 2026].