The Reluctant Earth Mother

So the UK government has released some advice for parents around screen time for children under 5. Ironically, I came across this on Instagram as I was doom scrolling before bed. Yes, I know, “read a book!”, “screens bad” but effort, so much effort! Also, I’m probably addicted. 

Having read the actual policy, I do feel a little better than when I drafted this because it’s not quite as cut and dry as the blogs and the social media posts would have us believe (there’s probably a lesson in there somewhere). However, I am perfectly capable of feeling guilt and shame about my parenting without government intervention but now I can legitimately despair that I took advantage of Baby 1’s addiction to Miss Rachel to keep him on the potty at a year old because it’s official. I’ve ruined his chances of becoming the next Albert Einstein or George Orwell just so I could be smug that we’d caught a poo.

So reliant am I on screen time that I would never get Baby 2 to sleep if Baby 1 wasn’t obsessed with Postman Pat. He can entertain himself but it’s guaranteed that he will not when Baby 2 is losing his mind because he’s knackered but also wants to join in. Regrettably, I don’t have an abundance of grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends who want to distract my toddler for 15 minutes every day. My kids don’t go to nursery 8am-6pm, 5 days a week. Oddly enough, my kids also don’t have a nanny or an au pair. My village is really quite small and the television is a really good hypnotist. Maybe these guidelines weren’t meant for me.

What about brand new first time mums? Those first few weeks are dull, potentially soul destroying and incredibly vulnerable. Why can’t a mum watch TV to get through the day? Yet, use of the television in the background is, whilst not prohibited, discouraged. We’re simultaneously encouraging breastfeeding, where you might as well be trapped with a hoover attachment on your breast, and discouraging screen time for a child who can’t see in colour or any further than your face. I would have gone round the twist! The radio is not that exciting most of the time; neither is the TV but that’s the point isn’t it? Adults need stimulation too. I didn’t have the mental capacity to follow a book and I’d guess I wasn’t the only one. We weren’t all born with the natural ability to find our children fascinating every second of the day, add in severe sleep deprivation and you’ve got a zombie who wants to zonk out in front of the TV.  

I understand the intention behind these guidelines but, honestly, it feels so far removed from the realities of day to day life with small children, you’d think no parents had been involved at all. Or certainly not the average parent from the average nuclear family.

The government is framing these guidelines as supportive and showing parents that they are no longer facing the digital battle alone but how about some practicalities instead? How about reducing the working week? Parents who aren’t so knackered by work might just have the energy to engage with their children and even the time to do it. How about making flexible childcare available to everyone? The overwhelmed stay at home mum is able to get a couple of hours to herself so she has enough “spoons” to share some with her kids. How about making it so parents can live, not survive but live, off one income or two part-time incomes? Imagine how being free of financial stress and pressure would make you feel. How about changing our culture to embrace children into our culture instead of insisting they be hidden away or unwelcome? Freedom from that excruciating pressure to keep your children quiet and still in public to make the surrounding adults more comfortable. Also, if you want to push books, can I suggest funding libraries, investing in family hubs, supporting local councils instead of crippling them? How about the government legislating against the addictive, quick paced insanity that is pushed on Youtube and Netflix? Instead, it’s yet another marker of “good” parenting if your kids don’t watch them. Avoid toys with AI? Then legislate against companies making or selling toys with AI. That might go some way to show us that the government is actually in the trenches with us. 

We are just trying to get through a rainy day without our children killing each other and our own brains dribbling out of our ears. We’re shamed enough. Leave us alone! I’m probably just grumpy because the clocks changed at the weekend and now I feel like a zombie who just wants to zonk out in front of the TV. Baby 1 has come through to tell me that he wishes it was Postman Pat on the TV. Maybe I should put the guidelines to good use, stop wasting time not parenting and drag my exhausted arse out of my hiding place and stop letting Pat and Jess the cat bring up my 3 year old.