The Reluctant Earth Mother

Do you ever think you’re doing it all wrong?

In fairness, today is not a great day. We’re all coughing and grouchy. Partner needed to sleep this afternoon so I took the boys out in the pouring rain to a museum. 

I’ve not been to a museum since having children and I’ve got to say, they don’t really cater to the pint sized human. There’s an display case of toys with drawers of more under glass at toddler height. Baby 2 was very confused when he couldn’t grab them.  Next to it is a drawer of toys, presumably to play with, but at adult hip height. There’s a chess and draughts set but with nowhere to set it yet there are empty display tables opposite. There’s a cool thing to build a timber circle with but too high up for small toddlers to reach even with the stools. In the stunning mezzanine, there’s actual novels on toddler height shelves I’m having to prise out of baby 2’s hands and a tantalising pendulum desperate to be touched.  Maybe I’m expecting too much from organisers.

Here’s my reality. 

I didn’t notice any other parent swiftly and serruptitiously changing pants and trousers after an accident in a quietish corner praying no one was going to come up and tell them off. I didn’t notice any other parent desperate to breastfeed their 1 year old to calm him down; actually I didn’t see any other parent breastfeeding. I didn’t notice any parents sneaking snacks to their kids.  I didn’t notice anyone else’s 1 and 2 year old walking around or playing. I didn’t notice anyone else squishing an adult and 2 toddlers into the smallest disabled toilet in the world praying that the littlest wouldn’t see the enticing red cord. I didn’t notice another mother stupid enough to take two small toddlers to the museum on her own. I clearly don’t know the rules. 

I could have taken him to the toilets but that would have meant 2 sets of lungs screaming at the tops of their voices at being torn away from somewhere they were happy and another 15 minutes of calming the pair of them before we could go back. They don’t understand that it’ll only be a minute. 

Wallace’s arm chair did look comfortable to feed in and the place had more seating than most museums but it was so busy and I know baby 2 only wants the quickest suck. We ducked into an empty art gallery and I kept my eyes on the baby hoping he looks bald enough to pass as under 1. Because all of sudden, that really seems to matter to me. 

I could have gone to the cafe but that was 2 flights of stairs down. I really can’t stand lifts so it would have taken 20 minutes and several tantrums before we got there. It’s really helpful that baby 2 refuses to be carried downstairs, another thing I should probably do. Then there’s the bonus pressure of having to buy something I don’t really want and can ill afford just so the boys can throw mini cheddars on the floor and possibly have a hot chocolate in and adult mug the temperature of molten lava. 0-4 year olds make up 5.4% of the UK population, why am I having to carry around appropriate sized mugs?  

To be fair to me, we did arrive with baby 2 in a pram and baby 1 on my back (shouldn’t you have a double pram? Why are you carrying a nearly 3 year old?!) Baby 2 had screamed since I’d put him in the pram as all he wanted to do was walk. Why is my 1 year old the only 1 year old who insists on walking? 

This one is more an establishment thing. My usual pet peeve is baby changing facilities that don’t include a toilet. We use cloth nappies so toilets are useful but the main objection is the assumption that parents don’t need a wee! You can change your baby but who do you think you are wanting to use a toilet? The only options are to leave your child outside while you use the tiny cubicle that won’t fit a pram or 3 pairs of feet in, leave the door open and do public indecency, or use the disabled. I have often come out with my kids to an understandably confused person who has a genuine need to use the disabled facilities. 

In the midst of this, a kind woman says “don’t worry, it’s good to bring them young” while the boys are giggling playing hide and seek with an exhibit, very much getting in everyone’s way. While I’m left thinking, how can I? This is unbelievably hard and feels like the whole place is set against me. 

The places I go, where I feel comfortable, are set up for kids where people with other kids will watch out for yours and there’s a chance to breathe. But mostly, at these places of sanctuary, there is very little to stimulate me. These uncomfortable experiences are usually in places not meant specifically for children.

I just don’t know if I’m going for an easier life or if I’m ruining my kids forever. Is it just me that’s so desensitised that changing my child in public just isn’t really an issue? Should it be? You go to groups with newborns and everyone uses the baby changing spaces but the older the kids get the more you see it done in the room. Always baby groups though. Where are people taking their toddlers on rainy weekends in the UK? I keep hearing that in Europe places are more child friendly, I just don’t understand how. Although, fairly small changes today would have helped me.