The Reluctant Earth Mother

Growing up in a house full of pens emblazoned with “Breast Is Best” did give me the impression that breastfeeding was inevitable, even in that naive time of “no chance will I be having children”. My mum, a community midwife, used to come home with huge handfuls of these pens. Different designs every year but usually navy blue with white writing reflecting her uniform. Honestly, I have no idea where they came from and I’m sure if I dug around in their house long enough, some would still be lurking 20 years later. 

I remember visiting the birth centre where she was based and being accosted by knitted boobs. Even when I was pregnant with my eldest, I opened the door to my midwife sporting a tote bag covered in tea towel drawings of boobs. Such a contrast to the ubiquitous sexualisation of breasts in our culture. My partner gets annoyed with me because I really struggle to use the word breasts even though that is the anatomically correct way of referring to boobs. I’ve no idea why it makes me uncomfortable, but it does. We’re working on that with our kids though Baby 1, a boy, did tell me the other morning that his boobs are small. 

Before I became a mum, I don’t remember seeing breastfeeding in public and even now it’s really only in church playgroups or specific breastfeeding friendly groups that I see it. When I whip my boob out for Baby 2, I often get curious looks from toddlers whilst Baby 1 just ignores me or sulks because he’s not getting my undivided attention. I remember one occasion in a park where I was feeding Baby 1 and he was being a pain; cold, tired, and hungry is not ideal. A man walking by was watching me and I remember being ready to get prickly and he just said hello and continued walking. It’s not normalised anymore but maybe it is more normal than we’re prepared for. It absolutely should be, particularly when this lazy trope of “it comes naturally” is so universally publicised. 

Surprisingly, or perhaps not, wild bonobos have midwives and then also learn from each other how to feed their babies (Demuru,2018). The first gorillas and chimpanzees born in captivity had no idea that they had to feed their babies, never mind feed them from their own bodies. The first primates to understand were either shown by their zookeepers or had been born and raised in the wild before being taken into captivity (Gunthur, 1955). In these groups, feeding infants and mothers are all around and, given my experience with human toddlers, chimp toddlers will absolutely be watching and learning.

Gunthur, M. (1955). Instinct and the nursing couple. Lancet. 19(268:6864), pp.575-8. 

Demuru, E. Ferrari, P F. Palagi, E. (2018). Is birth attendance a uniquely human feature? New evidence suggests that Bonobo females protect and support the parturient. Evolution and Human Behavior. 39(5), pp.502-510.